{"id":15167,"date":"2022-09-28T11:40:44","date_gmt":"2022-09-28T11:40:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psychotherapy-londons.com\/?p=15167"},"modified":"2022-09-30T12:05:30","modified_gmt":"2022-09-30T12:05:30","slug":"helping-a-troubled-beloved-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mind55555.com\/tr\/2022\/09\/28\/helping-a-troubled-beloved-one\/","title":{"rendered":"HELPING A TROUBLED BELOVED ONE"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you are having difficulties helping someone who is upset , ask yourself the following questions:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1- Is this person really asking for my help?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2- Is it appropriate to help him or her ?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3- Is this person asking me to help solve problems, or is he or she simply asking me to be a good listener and to provide emotional support?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The first quest may make you aware that you are trying to help someone who hasn\u2019t really asked for help. This may be due to an irrational attitude I call the \u201d help addiction.\u201d You may feel it is always your duty to help friends and loved ones find solutions to their problems. You try to help even when help hasn\u2019t been asked for. As a result , you may appear intrusive and controlling .<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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If you decide that you do want to help someone , the third question to ask yourself is how you are going to help them. There are two very different ways to offer help . You can help simply by listening , or you can help by doing favours or giving practical advice. You can think of these approaches as the \u201dlistening mood\u201d and the \u201d problem-solving mode.\u201d If you and the other person are on the same wavelength , there\u2019s no problem. However, you will have difficulties if you are in the problem-solving mode while the other person only wants you to be a good listener . Your message is : \u201d Why don\u2019t you pull yourself up by your bootstrapes ? Think more positively . Try doing X. The other person may resent all this. \u201d logical\u201d advice. He or she just wants you to say, \u201d I hear how lousy you feel. I know how awful it can be.\u201d Unfortunately, you may not know that some emottional support is all that\u2019s needed, so you offer advice that sounds intrusive and insensitive to the other person.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may wonder when you should be a good listener and when you should be more active in helping someone solve a problem. Sometimes you simply want to ask them .<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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