Unfortunately, there are still situations where children are physically, mentally and sexually abused by their parents, caregivers, family members, family friends, teachers etc. You can’t say “Who is an abuser?” Anyone could be an abuser. This is not to scaremonger, but you cannot recognise abusers.   However, not everyone is an abuser.  In the modern age, it is very difficult for parents and carers of children to strike a balance between protecting a child from danger and overprotecting them so that they fear everyone and everything.  It is one thing to say to a child something like “All men are nasty, so stay away from them” – What damaging impact would that have on their future life? Would girls fear men as they grow older, refrain from relationships with men, be unable to talk to men? or would boys hate themselves because they are men and therefore nasty?  It is very difficult. 

People who are child abusers come from all social groups, all races, both sexes, all ethnic groups and many may appear as typical loving parents – but they may have a tendency to become extremely irritated with their children, leading them to abuse their children.  Only 1 in 10 abusers has a serious mental illness that would be difficult to treat (Kempe and Kempe, 1978).  Frodi and Lamb (1980) showed videotapes of children crying and children smiling to a group of abusive and non-abusive mothers. In the abusive mothers, they were more likely to experience strong physiological changes to the crying than the non-abusive mothers.  They were less willing to respond or react to smiling infants either, so a smile might be enough to trigger an abusive parent.  

Some abusers have been abused themselves and may never have learned how to give or receive affection. They may have only learned a certain type of parenting and continue in that way. That is not to say that all victims of abuse become abusers themselves.

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