HOW TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL

Many people believe that their bad mood result from factors beyond their control . They ask,” How can I possibly feel happy ? My girlfriend rejected me . Women always put me down.”

Or they say, ”How can I feel good about myself? I am not particularly successful. I don’t have a glamorous career. I’m just an inferior person, and that’s reality.”

Some people attribute their blue moods to their hormones or body chemistry. Others believe that their sour outlook results from some childhood event that has long been forbitten and buried deep in their unconscious . Some people argue that it is realistic to feel bad because they are ill or have recently experienced a personal disappointment. Others attribute their bad moods to the state of the world – the shaky economy , the bad weather, taxes, traffic jams, the threat of nuclear war. Misery, they argue is inevitable.

Of course, there is some truth in all of these ideas. Our feelings undoubtedly are influenced by external events, by our body chemistry and by conflicts and traumas from the past. However, these theories are based on the notion that our feelings are beyond our control.

If you say,” I just can’t help the way I feel .” You will only make yourself a victim of your misery – and you will be fooling yourself because you can change the way you feel. If you want to feel better, you must realise that your thoughts and attitudes – not external events – create your feelings. You can learn to change the way you think, feel and behave in the here-and-now. That simple but revolutionary principle can help you change your life.

To illustrate the important relationship between your thoughts and your moods , consider the many ways you might react to a compliment. Suppose I told you , ” I really like you. I think you area neat person.”

How would you feel ? some people would feel pleased and happy. Others might feel sad and guilty. Some people feel embarrassed and some would react with anger and annoyance.

What explains such different reactions?

It is because of the different ways they might think about the compliment . If you feel sad , you are probably thinking.” Dr.Burns is just saying that to make me feel good. He is just trying to be nice to me , but he he doesn’t really mean it.”

If you feel annoyed , you might be thinking, ” He is flattering me. He must be trying to get something from me. Why isn’t he more honest? ”

If you feel good about the compliment , you are likely to be thinking.

In each case the external event -the compliment-is the same. The way you feel results entirely from the way you think about it, so your thoughts create your moods. This is also true when something bad happens. Suppose someone you respect critics you. How would you feel? You may feel guilty and inadequate if you tell yourself you are no good and the same problem is all your fault. You will feel anxious and worried if you tell yourself that the other person is looking down on you and is going to reject you. You will feel angry if you tell yourself that it is all their fault and they have no right to say such unfair things. If you have a good sense of self-esteem , you might feel curious try to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. In each case your reaction will depend on the way you think about the criticism. The messages you give yourself have an enormous impact on your emotions. And what is even more important, by learning to change your thoughts, you can change the way you feel.

Examples about emotion and thoughts that lead to this emotion

Emotion is sadness or depression

Thoughts that lead to that emotion:

Thoughts of loss; a romantic rejection; the death of a loved one; the loss of a job; or the failure to achieve an important personal goal.

EMOTION IS GUILT OR SHAME

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You believe that you have hurt someone, or that you failed to live up to your own moral standards. Guilt results from self-condemnation , where as shame involves the fear that you will lose face when others find out about what you did .

Emotion is anger, irritation, annoyance, or resentment

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You feel that someone is treating you unfairly or trying to take advantages of you.

EMOTION IS FRUSTRATION

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

Life falls short of your expectations. You insist that things should be different . It might be your own performance(” I shouldn’t have made that mistake.”) , what someone else does( ” He should have been on time !”), or an event (” Why does the traffic always slow down when I am in a hurry?”)

Emotion is anxiety, worry, fear, nervousness, or panic

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You believe you are in danger because you think something bad is about to happen – (” What is the plane crashes?”) (” What if my mind goes blank when I give my talk in front of all those people?”) ( What if this chest pain is the start of a heart attack?”)

EMOTION IS INFERIORITY OR INADEQUACY

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You compare yourself to others and conclude that you are not as good as they are because you are not as talented, attractive, charming, successful, intelligent. ” She is really got what it takes. She is so cute. All the men are chasing her, I am just average . There is nothing very special about me.”

EMOTION IS LONLINESS

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You tell yourself that you are bound to feel unhappy because you are alone and you aren’t getting enough love and attention from others.

EMOTION IS HOPELESSNESS OR DISCOURAGEMENT

Thoughts that lead to this emotion:

You feel convinced that your problems will go on forever and that things will never improve. ”I will never get over this depression.” or ” I just can’t lose weight and keep it off.” I ‘ll never find a good job,” or ” I’ll be alone forever.”